Contributor’s

Jonah Morrison

Jonah’s Blog’s

Nearly 2 million year’s ago, Odin decreed that one shall watch over all humans attempting to tarnishing his legacy.  After receiving news about a video game loosely based on his son Thor. Odin began to look around for someone who could be trusted with such an honor of defending Valhalla.  Word made it his kingdom of a great warrior named Wayne Gretzky, after learning he was nothing more than a mere hockey player Odin stumbled across a dank basement housing the soul of a once great champion by the name of Jonah.  The talent’s of the champion include the ability to beat Elder Scroll’s game’s in a single sitting,  being able to successfully  maneuver around the maps of Mass Effect 1 (admit it, even you couldn’t do that), and making small children cry on the popular franchise Call of Duty.

In Odin’s infinite wisdom he resurrected Jonah’s soul, and armed him with a gauntlet infused with the blood of Nithhogr. This gauntlet grants the ability’s to fend off Death regardless how many terrible video games one is forced to play through, and repels evil corporations known as “The Reapers” who insist on force feeding the masses with good reviews for mediocre video games.

 

 

 

Brett Pittman

Brett has been writing for over 10 years, starting when he was 13 years old with poorly written, overtly emo-kid poetry. Since then he has continued to write bad poetry which has progressed into average emo-kid poetry, stories and songs. He enjoys week nights either working, writing music or at home with his girlfriend Cinemax; who only seems affectionate after midnight. Weekends are spent doing about the same thing but also include parties at the house…via iPhone. After all, he can talk to a whole lot more people at once that way and not ruin his awesomely cliche-bachelor shag rugs, of which he has a growing collection.

His fears include, first and foremost, clowns (especially those creepy ass porcelain ones), those weird cats with no hair that stare at you with death eyes and also tiny tea-cup dogs (seriously, what the hell is up with those things?). When not living the aforementioned exhilarating life he has taken on for himself, he also finds time for his Betty Crocker cook book collection (he prefers pastries but excels at pastas) and primping his Troll dolls collection.

This has been Brett, and I love you. Seriously.

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Discussion

One thought on “Contributor’s

  1. Jonah even now your profile DOES NOT surprise me lmfao!! I’m in tech school now mofo

    Posted by Josh Meninno | October 23, 2011, 2:44 PM

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